Posers Like Me: Confessions of a Recovering Hypocrite

Thoughts on authenticity from a message I gave titled, “Posers Like Me: Confessions of a Recovering Hypocrite.”

As I wrestled through how (or if) I should teach on authenticity I realized that I needed to take a different angle. Rather than merely teach on what authenticity is, I needed to open up and be authentic myself.  If we, as a church, are going to be a people who take off our masks, I know it begins with me taking off mine.

It was not easy to admit many of these things publicly- but if we’re not willing to be real with God, ourselves, and each other, then we’re just playing church, not being the church. And I, for one, have no interest in playing church.

So, for better or for worse, here are some confessions I shared at our gathering last week:

If I’m honest, I would tell you that I struggle with being authentic.
I care too much about what other people think. I find it uncomfortable to open up and be transparent. Vulnerability and I don’t get along too well. I know who I am- but have difficulty letting other people in. I’m guarded- too guarded.

If I’m honest, I would tell you that I am a hypocrite.
Too often putting a smiley face on when I’m actually struggling. Too often appearing confident when I often feel inadequate. Too often saying the right things but thinking something else. Too often acting self-sufficient when I really need someone to talk to.

If I’m honest, I would admit what I fear.
I fear failure, rejection, and clowns. This means I can’t go in public, have conversations, or go to the circus without a being afraid of something. God, with purpose and humor, seems to find ways for me to come face to face with these fears all the time.

If I’m honest, I would reveal that I don’t always deal with stress appropriately.
This is why I can feel alone in a crowded place. This explains why my weight goes up and down more times than gas prices. This is why I show my displeasure with minor things when it’s the major ones I’m ticked off about.

If I’m honest, I would tell you that my actions are self-centered- and I hate it!
Selfishness calls with comfort. I get stuck in ruts and conform way too much to the me-first pattern of this world. When I put myself in the center, everything is out of alignment. This is the worst of all sins. It’s idolatry. And I am guilty of it.

All that said, my prayer is for a life of authenticity. That a light will shine on all corners of my life. That I not become what I hate- a poser or a fake. That I become what God wants me to be- genuine and real. That Jesus always be central in my life. And while I’m imperfect, I want to grow up and be like him.

Authenticity is the beginning of growth.